During the last week I worked on the mold for the Orpheus puppet, but when I triedd to open the mold, it broke. I had to remake it completely. In order not to bore you with picture very similar to those from last Monday, I'll share some completely different thoughts with you:

…you promised! | mixed media on paper | ca. 84 x 46 cm | 2011

Why am I doing this?

When I'm motivated to do something, I have no issues to start, to continue and to finish a project. When I'm disciplined, I somehow understand the necessity to start, to continue and to finish a project, but that doesn't mean neither that I like what I'm doing nor that I'll eventually do it.

Motivation doesn't come easily. Most of the time it will be easier to be disciplined and to follow a path that others or yourself may expect from you. – It's really hard work to find out what motivates you. But it's worth trying.

There's a simple question:

The answer though is often difficult. But the more I understand my motives, the easier it is to become motivated.

I was thinking about motivation and discipline a lot the last weeks because I try to understand why it's so easy to work on my Orpheus film project currently, or why I suddenly keep working in the studio in general. I had in my guts that it wasn't discipline that helps me to do the work.

(Oh, and I really tried to be disciplined. I tried working an hour a day on my film for several weeks. I tried to build some external pressure, but that doesn't work either. I tried so many things that I can't even remember them.)

I wondered, "What does motivate me now?" How do I stay on track with my film even when I have to overcome obstacles and difficulties like yesterday, when my mold broke and I lost a whole week's work?

Why do I want to make the Orpheus film at all?

On the one hand, it's the story that appeals me: that metaphorical story about descending into the dark to face death, both literally and symbolically. On the other hand I love storytelling through animation. I love handmade animation. And I have the feeling that I have something unique to say.

It's not about other people. I would make the film in case nobody is going to like it. I've been working on this film for years even though I had monetary or technical or other issues, and I just don't want to give it up because making this film is so amazingly important to me.

I want to finish this film because I want to see if I am able to do this. To work as an animator artist, to earn some money from the things I do and to do it independently (as in freelancer). I want to see if I'm able to live a life with as few compromises (concerning my work) and with as much freedom possible. I'm proving my theory about life.

If I fail, I'll fail. But at least I tried.

– See, this is a motivation. I don't need discipline anymore.

What about you? What motivates you?

steadily
the work
evolves and grows
the artist is(n't) amazed
– progress.

While it was quite hot outside, I hid in my chilled basement studio to work on the puppets for my Orpheus film project.

I finished the first half of the Orpheus puppet's mold today. When the plaster was setting, I made the armature of Charon, the second character who – like Orpheus – appears both, as a puppet and as a silhouette.

No fancy pictures today.
Just simple shots of what I did today:

This is the first half of the Oprheus puppet's mold. It's still drying, and I'm going to cast the second part in two or three days.

The final armature for the Charon character (or see a bigger version of this image)

At first I thought, "Well, there's nothing in this post that is for or helps my dear readers". But still, it is: I'd like to share these pictures because they show how important it is to keep the things going.

When I started my Studio Monday, I wanted to create time and space (and a routine) for the work on my film, so that it will be eventually completed one day. And that has worked amazingly well so far: Every week I accomplish a lot of things.

As soon as one Studio Monday is over, I want to find as much time as possible to take the things further, because it's simply so much fun, and I'm motivated to go on. This is not about discipline right now. It's just, you know, the process is simply pleasing.

(I've written about this feeling before.)

Do you know this feeling? I really wish you do!

Yay for another successful Studio Monday! Since I'd been stuck for the last three weeks or so, I decided that something had to change today. It does, and it was a tough and challenging task. I also had no visitors, so I set to work alone.

I wanted to move on with the sets for my Orpheus film project, but it felt like running against a wall.

I kept going though. After I made the first element, the throne of Hades, I got stuck again. I had this very clear vision of how the set was going to look like, but every little step was annoying and stressful, and often it took me several attempts to get the shapes right.

Whenever something went wrong, I was about to stop. But I kept going for three long and disappointing hours until something changed. I don't know exactly what it was, but eventually I made it into the Zone. I continued to work for three more hours and suddenly a large part of the set was built.

Normally, I would recommend to do something completely different when one is stuck. But in this case I have done something different for weeks, and I really wanted to move on with the set building. Surprisingly, it worked.

This is the main view into the throne room with Orpheus and Hades.

The underworld where Hades is the king of the dead is a world of shadows, and that's why this part of the film is completely made of silhouettes. It's a small set: Imagine another landing, and the Throne Room which is guarded by Cerberus, the three-headed hound.

Today I already finished the interior design of the throne room, some parts of the cave and the landing. Most of the elements are made of corrugated cardboard that I've painted black with acrylics. I used lamp black which is the deepest black available. (Actually it was my main work to paint things black today. You should have seen my hands…)

This is Hades sitting on his yet unpainted throne made of cardboard.

There are only a few things I still have to do before finishing the set: making a door for the throne room from wire and black spray paint and adding more cave elements and a background. Oh, and I need a silhouette boat as well. There isn't much left now what I have to do yet for the sets. But unfortunately I set the progress bar to 97% on set building, so 3% percent are left. Let's see if this is an unbreakable rule…

Today I also designed the gate through which the characters enter the hall.

I really hope to finish this set soon.

Still from One Day Animated Short, © Nils Diewald 2011

So far I only showed you the results of the things I did on my first Studio Monday, even though I wasn't the only one having a productive day. My friend Nils came around and asked me if he could try an animated short because he wanted to test different animation techniques.

And here's the result of his one day animation marathon (about 10 MB):

The Making Of

Nils worked on the set building and the animation for about 10 or 11 hours in my studio, and another one (or two?) nights on the editing and the sound. Here's what he says about his film:

"I had in mind to combine several stop motion techniques (classic motion, watercolors, dripping wax ...) in a somehow dramatic plot. Because I only had one day off, everything had to be done quickly – so I thought, using scenes more than one time (by playing them in reverse) would save some time ... and ... well ... that's how the 'story' came up.

The main problem I had to face was, that the camera was only able to focus on objects at least 5ft away. And - I was running out of time at the end of the day.

Whatsoever - I'm pretty pleased with the result of the film. It was a lot of fun! Thank you, Jessica!"

The set-up was the same I use with my kids in my animation workshops: the camera is a cheaper DV camcorder which is connected via Firewire to an 2004 Mac iBook, the tripod is very simple as well, and the light comes from two desktop lamps (Tertial, Ikea).

He edited the animation with Windows Movie Maker which is a free and easy film editing software running on Microsoft Windows. The Mac equivalent would be iMovie.
– You see, it's not the equipment or the tools that make a film good or bad.

Nils animated on a desk and on the floor, and used

• white paper table cloth as background
• an empty lemonade can
• a dishcloth with a simple wire armature attached to it
• Patafix (or White Tac)
• wax, and
• watercolors.

Both of us had a really productive Studio Monday. Even though Nils isn't a professional animator (whatever that means), he's a creative brain that comes up with amazing ideas. On the other hand it's all about supporting companionship and creative atmosphere. – Everything is possible on a Studio Monday I suppose.

What about you? Tomorrow is Studio Monday again!

Photoshop sketch of what the final set may look like.

The first Studio Monday was a huge success.
My initial idea was to create time and space to join creative forces, and it seems that this works perfectly. On Monday I had two guests, one of them wanted to test some materials for illustrating a children's book, and the other one wanted to do an animation. We finished around 11 p.m. – tired but satisfied.

Even though I helped the others to get started and during their process, I had enough time to work on the cave setting. This is one of four sets I'll need for my Orpheus film project, and it's the last set that I have to build in 3D (the Underworld itself is going to be made of silhouette shapes).

I built the walls from cardboard and foam board, both some of my favorite materials. I then modeled the rocks from paper, and covered them with paper mâché. I completed those steps on Monday evening, and coated everything in thin layer of translucent white acrylics.

Adding Colors

Next I started to paint the set, and I'd like to show you how I developed the floor (I use the same technique in some of my drawings as well), and this is maybe something really jessica-esque:

After the first thin layer of white acrylics I drew several spirals with colored pencils to the ground. I used different colors and tried to achieve a dense structure.

My color scheme for the cave is turquoise, violet, grey and black. I used a lot of violet pencils for the spirals, and next I added a thin layer of cyan colored watercolors.

To reduce the intensity of the colors again, I covered the floor in another thins layer of white acrylics.

While the floor wass drying, I dyed the rocks and part of the background with violet watercolors.

Back to the floor: this time another layer of spirals, but here I drew the spirals with copic markers, since those are really bright colored, and won't be covered perfectly by other colors.

In step 6 I added outlines and dust of pastels to the background to get some more depth.

Finally I added some more outlines, graphical shadows and the black and white tiling with deep black ink.

Painting the set took me about four hours. – I like this way of layering different types of materials, because it creates a dense atmosphere, which is what I'm often after. The cave setting is a bit more flashy than the cemetery or the house since this location is the transit zone between the land of living and the land of the dead.

This set still misses a few details yet:

• the landing
• the boat of Charon the ferryman
• the River Styx and
• the background that can be seen through the apertures.

I really want to finish the set this until the end of march, but I guess this could be possible if I'l be able to keep my current pace and motivation.

Wish me luck or join me next Moday!

Dear creative folks,

tomorrow the Studio Monday will take place for the first time. From March 7, 2011 on I’ll open my studio in Porta Westfalica, Germany every Monday from 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. for you to come and join.

I wanted to create an event where creative people of all kind have a space to work together, to get in touch with like-minded people and to take a look behind the scenes of my work. During this weekly open studio event you’re invited to bring your own creative projects to work on, or to join me on my projects if you like to (that could be my Orpheus film project, for example).

The entry is free.

It’s easy to plan your journey with google maps, the studio’s address is Kaanstr. 7, 32457 Porta Westfalica, Germany. I recommend to call in before under +49 (0) 571 38 76 781, especially if you’re going to travel a longer distance.

I look forward to see you! Jessica

Daily Drawing #110220: „What are you waiting for?“
– drawn with Harmony

Last week I wrote a post about Ten Reasons Why I Struggle Finishing My Personal Projects. In fact, I struggle very often. But I also want to share what motivates me to keep on working on my personal art or animation project, even though I’m struggling.

And event though I often struggle, I am able to finish personal projects once or twice in a while. That’s why I share 10 Reasons why finishing personal projects simply rocks with you today:

1. Satisfaction

It is satisfying to finish any kind of project. Finishing the work, spreading the word and cleaning up the space after all is soo satisfying that it is almost impossible to describe. – You have to feel it. (Well, then go and finish something!)

2. It’s a relief

Last year I published an e-book titled A Brief Guide to Make a Semi-Professional Stop-Motion Animation Puppet that took me about a year from the very first idea to the moment I hit the publish button. Especially if it’s an older project on which I’ve been working, the relief will weigh as much as the satisfaction.

3. Pride

Yes, I am allowed to feel proud of myself, not in a peacocky manner but with a healthy attitude towards the thing I had accomplished. These three are a nice bundle of great feelings with that one’s rewarded after finishing a personal project. (And yes: the bigger the project, the bigger are the rewards for its completion.)

4. It’s therapy

Finishing a project means that I solved several problems. The more problems I solve, the less I fear problems at all. With every finished project my confidence grows, and I get more and more comfortable in a new or even bigger situation. Things start to change, and all the fears become smaller.

5. It’s both, education and training

When I finished a project, I have always learned something new. It’s all about synapses, baby! They build new connections, and at some point knowledge becomes experience. – That’s simply awesome!

6. It’s progress

The more projects I finish, the more visible becomes my progress, even to myself. I’m big fan of progress, and I don’t like stagnation so much. When I finish a personal project, I not only see it as a single step but as the whole distance I’ve walked.

7. There will be room for something new

After some recovery time (some people call it a black hole) I have the chance to work on something completely different. New ideas emerge. I like my work and I have so many ideas that I sometimes don’t know how to bring them all to life. But if I take one step (or project) after another, I’m way more focussed and the results of my work are much better.

8. For a small amount of time I am in the present

Often I think about what happened yesterday, and what I’ll have to do tomorrow. But the moment a project comes to an end, I am definitely in the present . I feel grounded and everything is perfect in that very moment. Time then simply doesn’t matter. Which is nice: no past, no regrets; no future, no fears. – It’s a shame that this moment always lasts so short…

9. The possibility to share the results

This one is optional. But personally, I like sharing. Sharing as in getting in touch with people and learn something new. Any constructive feedback is great, and since I don’t like stagnation I need feedback to develop. And communication! I love to communicate with other people, so sharing is a must and fun for me!

10. It’s highly addictive

If I really had a good run, I’ll get the whole package (from #1. to 9.). This is better than any drug I’ve ever heard of. It makes me feel whole. I truly believe that we’re creative folks who love to do creative work. I’m not talking about jobs. – Jobs bring the money in, but work is something different. A lot of people hate their job, but do love to work on something they really enjoy to work on, no matter what it is.

Daily Drawing #110221 – drawn with Harmony

It doesn’t matter how big or small the personal projects are. It’s important to do them, and to finish them once in a while. Not every project must be finished. If you struggle with your personal projects, it sometimes helps to remind yourself of how great it is to finish a project. Sometimes the rewards are more motivating than anything else.

What are your experiences?

Daily Drawing #110215 – drawn with Harmony

If you're a regular visitor on this blog, you'd probably have noticed that I have some issues to finish my personal projects as easy as I finish paid ones. If someone pays me I'll do a perfect job in time, and that's not an understatement. Because then it's a job. I'm really, really good in doing a good job and meeting deadlines.

Recently I quit my job as a school teacher. I wanted to be a full-time artist again because that's what I've always wanted. But even though I have time and space now it's difficult for me to work on my own projects. And I want to find out why this is so.

So here's my list of ten reasons why I struggle to finish my personal projects:

1. They're not real jobs

A person very close to me cheered as I told her that I was going to work as an art teacher a few months ago: "Well, then you finally have a real job!" – Ouch, that hurt! A real job brings some money in, and my art and animation projects didn't do so very much, so they can't be real jobs.

2. I'm a scaredy cat

I'm afraid of so many things. And sometimes this fear keeps me from doing things. This is a hard one.

3. Only 2% of all fine artists in Germany earn enough for a living from their artistic work

One of my professors in art school shared this statistical fact at every available opportunity. I don't know his motivation to do so, but for a long period I thought it won't be possible to join this 2%. Which causes fear (see 2.).

4. Others are better than me – always.

This is as bad as being rejected. No, worse: "Hey, we like your stuff, but the stuff this guy over there does is much more interesting... Perhaps next time?"

5. What if someone simply doesn't like it?

I don't like to be rejected. To prevent myself from being rejected, I just don't do anything. If nothing's finished, nothing can be rejected. Sounds logical, doesn't it?

6. I don't know if it's really art

Visualize an art exhibition. You probably have some idea about how artworks look like. Mine always look different. They just don't look like art. It's my impression that I don't fit into existing categories. Am I so progressive? I can't believe that. I simply don't understand what turns a thing into an artwork.

7. I'm interested in so many things

I don't want to miss a thing. Every time I read a book, watch a movie, do a walk I found a huge amount of inspiration. I generate ideas with every breath I take. And every time I have an idea, a little mean voice in my head asks: "Should you really try it? I mean, in fact, the idea is not too cool, and probably somebody else already did this better than you ever could. And: it doesn't look like art..."

8. What if people find out that I'm not especially cool or creative but an ordinary human-being?

I'm always afraid that people may find out that I'm some kind of sham, some one only pretending being an artist. That's why I spend so much time learning things to become an artist, but seldom turn them into products or works (as a real artist would do).

9. It's much easier to implement ideas for other people or to encourage them to work on their own stuff instead of working on mine (also known as paid work)

For me it's always easier to care about others and their needs than caring for myself. We all have our stuff, and this is part of mine.

10. A day has only 24 hours

I sleep approximately 7-8 hours. I do paid work for half the day awake. I'm recovering from driving and working with other people and/or kids for one hour (this often includes a nap). I struggle for two hours with all the issues mentioned before. And then I get something little done, something like a small test animation or so. Then I repeat step 1 to 9.

Why I share this? Because I'm learning. I learn these things about me and things start to change. And I see a lot of people with the same issues. Perhaps you can learn from my experiences, too. These issues are part of my life as an animator/artist, and since I'm writing about this life here, it's worth mentioning it. You're not alone.

If you want to share your experiences, I'll appreciate that: feel free to leave a comment!

Next week: 10 Reasons Why Finishing Personal Projects Simply Rocks

Drawing "Companions", sketched with Harmony drawing tool

My dear friend Shelley had that great idea that I'm going to steel and modify: every Friday she invites creative people she met into her studio to join her working on her Halfland project. Which is awesomely inspiring! (I mean both, the project itself and having creative people of all kind around supporting what she does.)

For the last months I was so stuck into paid work that I hadn't the energy to work on my Orpheus film project at all which first made me feel angry, and then very sad. I was thinking a lot about ways to move on with the film in a gentle and guilt-free manner.

My major problem is feeling guilty for not working on the film. I guess whenever a person uses the words procrastination, she feels guilty because she does something else than she was supposed to do. Take me as an example: Whatever I do, I feel guilty because I don't work on the film (even if I work on something creative though). For whatever reason there is a voice in my head that asks reproachfully, "Shouldn't you be working on your film? Perhaps you're not an animation artist at all..." And I kept thinking that procrastinating is bad.

During the last months things has changed. I don't think that procrastination is bad anymore. – I now don't use the word at all. I'll only tell what I actually do, and not what I didn't.

The point is, I really want to finish the film (ideally this year), but I want to do it my way. And I want to find a way to make this possible. First I need time and energy to work in the studio, so I quit a few jobs and commitments, and that was an awesome first step. Second I need some kind of framework.

And so I picked one day of the week as my special Orpheus day. A whole day that is dedicated to film making and animation. From March 7, 2011 on I'll have Studio Mondays.

Studio Monday

From then on I'll open my art and animation studios every Monday from 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. for you to join me on my creative adventures. That means you can come in and simply watch my progress, that you could help if you want, or that you you can bring in your own project (whatever it is) if you need some creative companionship, too.

It's free, and I'll even share my materials, resources and knowledge with you. (That also means that I don't have any excuse to leave the studio at all, because you may come around.)

My studio's address is Kaanstr. 7, 32457 Porta Westfalica. (Ask google Maps for help). In case you have a longer distance to travel, I recommend to call in first: +49 (0) 571 38 76 781. – I'm looking forward to see you!

It was a bit quiet around the blog for a few weeks now. – Sorry for that! It's not like I don't have anything to share with you, but sometimes artistic processes are rather internal than visible to the outside world, so they're quite difficult to share at all.

Despite decluttering our space and cleaning up the studio and doing the taxes and stuff, I kept thinking about what really matters to me. Well, I guess this is a question which has to be answered several times in our lives – and I just gave it another try recently. While doing so I found out that I rather want to do a good piece of work than a quick one. That was when I said goodbye to my deadline (which had been the first of December), and hallo to a new kind of freedom for my film project.

The problem with the deadline is that I'm lost in thoughts about the deadline, how to keep it and how to solve problems quick and dirty in time, instead of just making the film. When I reflect on why I do what I'm doing, I remembered that I simply do it for myself, my own pleasure and my artistic development. Of course I want to please my future audience but the process is still and foremost about learning and growing as an animation artist.

I have absolutely no problems with deadlines if I work for other people or submit my work for competitions. But this isn't the point here. The priority here is to develop my own (animated) language (and a good film) which hopefully will one day lead to professional work with deadlines and things alike. But for now, it's all about making the film…

-----

How do you work best? Do you need the pressure or do you go for a more playful approach? And why? I'd love to read your thoughts within the comments!