Friday, 17. September 2010
Status Report
It's been quiet around here for several weeks now. I got kind of stuck with my Orpheus film project, and it feels like a lack of orientation. I have to sort some things out and to answer some questions before I can move on. But I also can't force it, it's a bit like evolution: one day, the ideas bubble like a spring in the mountains, the other day it feels like I'm digging them from an underground mine. – But hey, that's pretty much the Orpheus theme, isn't it?
A drawing I did a few days ago. The text in English would be like this:"Really? Your soul for consideration?
Well, how inventive is that?
(Creativity? – Pha!)"
I try to be not too concerned about this since I do a lot of teaching at the moment instead of working on the film. I also started drawing regularly again which is just wonderful. I have so many ideas and things I'd like to try, that I barely have the time to do everything. Currently I feel a bit unfocused, but normally this is temporarily.
Sometimes a project like the Orpheus film is like a leavened dough which needs to rise before moving on with the baking process… So just now the Orpheus dough is rising and while I wait for it to finish, I spend my time writing a tutorial and drawing illustrations for a book for my godchild – stuff I wanted to do for years.
There's another issue taking a lot of energy at the moment, too:
After I passed my final exam in 2009 it was a weird situation. For more than ten years it was my master plan to achieve a degree in fine arts. I didn't think much about what would be after this certain point until I'd been there. When I eventually had my diploma, I decided I need a new master plan, and I allowed myself to experiment on how I want to live for a time period of two years from then on.
One and a half year has passed so far and I don't feel much more beyond doubt. Do I really need a plan? Well, I'm an artist, that's for sure, but from time to time I find it so difficult to stay on that track, and when this happens, I'm not sure anymore what it means, to be an artist. I'm interested in so many things that I occasionally forget on which one I really want to focus. Animation and drawing definitely are my favorite topics, but I also love graphic design, teaching, traditional crafts like bookbinding, or gardening and refurbishing…. So little time to do it all as much intense as I'd like to.
I'm still looking for a way to combine or enlace all these activities but I haven't found a solution yet. My dream is to achieve master skills at least in animation… Art today has become such a wide field that I'm absolutely sure that somewhere there's a niche for me and the stuff I do.
These are mainly internal processes, but I thought it would be nice to share these thoughts with you because for me they're an important part of my artistic and human development. What about you? Do you know concerns like these yourself? How do you solve these problems? And what do you learn from situations like these? Share your thoughts in the freshly designed comments section, I'd love to hear your views!
Comments
Jessica Koppe wrote on Monday, 20. September 2010 at 06:21:
Hi r!
Welcome here!
It was quite good for me to share all these thoughts because I got a feeling that I'm not the only one. It's good to see that eventually somebody is touched by that.
Thanks for your support!
Best,
Jessica
Leo wrote on Monday, 20. September 2010 at 20:53:
Hey there,
sorry I didn't write earlier. The last weeks have been quite tough: Of the last 30 days, I spent only two outside my office; that bloody thesis seems to come to an end.
I know these concerns, and I don't have a solution for them. Reflecting, I assume that I try to avoid them as far as possible (besides from being thick-headed) – what is a clearer sign than taking a PhD?
Being left without a plan feels weird, sure. A bit like balancing on moving ground, while you see nothing besides you one could hold on. And maybe a good thing is there to create spaces and rituals that make you feel a bit "home-ish", setting some regularity in your life, fixing a patch of garden, ... Doing stuff that you had put away for some time is probably a very good path. Why not experiment with some new stuff, starting to learn some new animation aspect from scratch?
Anyway, that is well-meant advice from a hopeless perfectionist, so to be fair, one should take that with a grain of salt.
What I learn from such situations is that some stuff is best put away for a closed period of time, just to give it a fresh start after a week or two. What I have seen in them is how adaptable – and at the same time, resilient – people are. And maybe an intuitive path between forcing your life into something your imagination prescribes, or on the other side just letting the world happen to you, is best there.
Will give you a phone call sometime, but I prefer to be awake (not like yesterday) and not overrun by my work (like today) when on the phone. Don't want to fall asleep on the telephone, like Tobi did... :)
... and maybe a plan isn't really as important as it wants to make us think.
Jessica Koppe wrote on Saturday, 25. September 2010 at 21:43:
Leo, hi! Your advise surely is true: putting away the things for a while often helps. I try to be relaxed since I can't really change it at the moment.
Looking forward to your phone call!
Simon Clarke wrote on Tuesday, 19. October 2010 at 19:38:
Hi Jessica
It has taken me about 25 years for all my activities to finally start enlacing – so I wouldn't worry too much about your situation. It will happen when it happens – I don't think you can force it either: in this way it is very like creativity.
At least you are aware of what you want the process to be. I thought my life was a mess until all the elements suddenly found a place. Well, my life is still messy – but it does begin to make more sense!
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r wrote on Sunday, 19. September 2010 at 23:33:
Du sprichst mir aus der Seele!
Danke fürs Teilen und VIEL KRAFT!